1

Lining up behind the frat boys--
we didn't need our IDs.
Summer girls in summer dresses and long blonde hair.

My friend, the boy, sits at the bar--
he looks so damn miserable.
Drowning his cares with a bottle of liquid "peace".

The girls prune and strut like peacocks--
all dressed up and all alone.
Silver, gold, magenta, they drink their wine...sparkle...sigh.

Bartenders grin, serve, and bear it--
the watering hole is full.
Why do these fools smile when the night is so tragic?

Brave New World.

So.
*deep breath*
I've decided to take this semester off.
*sigh*
Not what I truly want. But I think its the right thing to do.
That means a lot of things:
A full time job.
Saving up to buy a car.
Saving up so I can pay cash for my schooling.
No more student loans. WOOOOOOOHOOOO!!
Being brave...I've never not been in school.

I won't lie. I'm scared to death.
But I am going to hold onto my dream of becoming a teacher.
And work hard to pave the way for myself.

Many mistakes, but thank God for grace.
And Faith. And Hope. And above all, for a Love so infinite, there are never TOO many mistakes.

If you think about it, please pray for me.

A Will Shaped Place

Does it ever go away?

That little tear in my heart, a little Will shaped place that feels so empty sometimes?

I don't know.

But I miss him every damn day of my life.

Its been 7 months and 1 day.

I still feel raw.

I still expect to see him driving around town late at night, raising hell and saving lives.

My heart catches in my throat every time I see a big black dodge, sometimes when I see a big green dodge, or blue, in the witching hours when I have no business driving around.

There were times when I got myself into a pickle, a tight squeeze, and Will would always come wiggle me out of it.

He drove to Fayetteville at 3 in the morning to get me home.

He drove to the middle of a field in the middle of the night to get me home.

Not to my home, but to his.

He'd set me up all cozy on the big jean kids' room couch with fluffy down comfortors and pop a movie in and lay with me till I fell asleep. Then the next morning, me and him and bryn and danny and whoever else happened to wandered over in the night would eat a big breakfast and smoke marlboro lights right there at the kitchen table. I always loved that, smoking inside, sharing lighters and trying to blow smoke rings. He could do it perfect.

He took care of us girls, even though we were older.

We should have taken better care of him. I always wish I would have said something to him, but I felt like I couldn't. I should have. I learned though. I say something now. Maybe that'll save a life. I wish it would have saved his.

Always a hug, always a smile, always said I love you when he was leaving.

Thats the last thing I said to him, I love you.

And he yelled it right back.

Its crazy, I dream about him every once in a while, but I always know its not really him, that he's really dead. Even in my dreams, I know that.

Humanity, I love you

Humanity, I love you,
Because you invent things like blu-ray
and nix the old
V
H
S
players that we loved.

Humanity, I love you,
Because the huge
T
V
at courtney's sister's house
is awesome

Humanity, I love you,
Because the big
T
V
wont play my
V
H
S
anywhere in the house.

Humanity, I love you
Because it cost me
$
1
3
freaking
dollars
to rent
7
freaking
movies.

What the hell?

Humanity,
I
Hate
You

Thanks, e.e. cummings, you're amazing. Read the real poem here.
The Mary-Kate and Ashley Marathon will have to wait until tomorrow,
because at my house,
we have no fancy blu-ray players.
So THERE!

Sarah Dessen " Lock and Key "

So I'm reading yet another SD book and eating it up like candy! Love that author!

What is Family? They were the people who claimed you. In good, in bad, in parts or in whole, they were the ones who showed up, who stayed in there, regardless. It wasn't just about blood relations or shared chromosomes, but something wider, bigger...We had many families over time. Our family of origin, the family we created, as well as the groups you moved through while all of this was happening: friends, lovers, sometimes even strangers. None of them were perfect, and we couldn't expect them to be. You couldn't make any one person your world. The trick was to take what each could give you and build a world from it.

As I wrote about in my last post, I have a huge extended family. But then I also have my other family, my little family of friends who I love.

My wild Ashley.
My sweet Michelle.
My little Bryn-o.
My Hanny.
My lovely and whitty Court
My Benn-the-strong-man-Garrett
And
My Cody the jokster.

Where would I be with out these people. These memories. These friends. This family?

**pics to come.

“All parents damage their children. It cannot be helped. Youth, like pristine glass, absorbs the prints of its handlers. Some parents smudge, others crack, a few shatter childhood completely into jagged little pieces, beyond repair.” -Mitch Albom, The Five People You Meet in Heaven"

I love this quote. So much. Because I think its t.r.u.e.
But glass that bubbles or is imperfect in some way is much more interesting than "perfect" glass, right?
Because, really, who's not just a little screwed up?

I love my parents.

Family

Family Definition Definition of Family at Dictionary.com: "any group of persons closely related by blood, as parents, children, uncles, aunts, and cousins."

I come from a beautifully loving and HUGE family.

There were around 45 of us:

3 Siblings

Aunt Joyce, Grandma Cora, Uncle Frank

Then they got married:

Aunt Joyce (Uncle Abe RIP), (Grandpa Earl) Grandma Cora, (Aunt Ruth) Uncle Glenn RIP, Uncle Frank (Aunt Nancy)

Then they had kids, who were cousins, and then they got married! (To not-cousins.)

(Faith)+Tommy, (Laurie)+Paul, Ruth+(Chris), Sue+(Greg), Liz+(Dennis), Becky+Jeff, Peter-(Arlene). Missing-David+(Melelani) and George+(Tracy)

Those kids had kids too, who are second cousins!

Clarisse, Hayden, Grace, Ricky, Sydney, Pierre, Paul, Andre, Gabby, Sami, Hannah, Katie, Kenny, Clarisse, James, Glenn Arthur, Zachary, Seth, Molly Charlotte, Sarah, Isabelle, and Michael. We miss Jason, Daniel, Bethany (Jake+Joshua), Jimmy, Roy, Georgie, and Paige.




My family is all about having fun. We played games, went rock climbing, night swimming in heated lakes, pool volleyball, regular volleyball, ladders. badmitten, tubing on the lake, pool basketball, regular basketball, lots of talking, eating, laughing, remembering, picture looking, loving. We prayed together and shared our stories. We embraced life and it was wonderful.